Ringring

The streets are lined with the Philippine flag, the proud symbol of our country’s history, of our nation’s sovereignty and our people’s identity. This somewhat rare surge of nationalism occurs several times a year – like the day we celebrate our nation’s independence. It is on the 12th of June that we remember the day the Filipino was declared free, free from his colonial masters and free to control his destiny. These are the times in which I wrestle with my own thoughts - a battle to acknowledge whether or not our people are truly free.

These are also the times in which I think “freedom” is one of the most overused, abused and overrated words. Everyone wants to be free. Everybody talks about freedom – freedom from, freedom to, freedom for. It is such a buzz word in the human rights movement and probably one of the most sought after words of the youth. It is also the most played with words of the marketing and consumer driven world. How ironic that when you say something is free, you don’t pay for anything and it is equated to not having any monetary worth or of having cheap value. Then you have a clamoring that all people are free or are meant to be free – not having monetary worth but being much more than whatever money can buy.

There is an almost scary obsession with freedom that has leaked into our consciousness. It need not be a bad thing, but the danger of defining freedom in the most selfish of ways is always imminent. The mainstream understanding of freedom has been to do whatever you want. It is linked to having no inhibitions, no barriers, and no forms of external control. To be free has been defined to have all the options lined up for ones use, and the ability to choose whichever you fancy. This screwed up understanding of absolute freedom blurs the reality that we face and the true freedom that we crave and many times miss out on.

I have always believed that the human person is always free, regardless of whatever his or her status in life may be. He or she will always have options available – but probably not all the options that one would wish were available. There are many things that we do not have control over, but we can always choose the way we will act and react to the things that come our way. Real freedom is being able to do what one believes is right, most especially during the times in which the choosing to do the right thing is difficult.

Now more than ever, the Filipino is challenged to exercise the innate freedom that he has – to address the challenges that we face as individuals and as a people. It's also time that we recognize how intrinsically linked our humanity is to this freedom - that although it goes beyond the price of anything material, it also not without a substantial cost. The sweat on the brow of the hardworking man, the clamor of the students that march for justice, the choice to walk the path less traveled - decisions made to do what is moral and just - seem to prove that freedom is not free. But it is well worth it.

We have always been free. We still are. It is just a matter of believing it and acting upon it.

Brother #2

I told myself I wouldn’t cry.
That he would be back in a matter of months. Like me. Like Dandan.

Focusing on work and school, I made myself appear as nonchalant as possible – as if Mikey was just going for a vacation. I was used to leaving my family behind and flying all over the place, so this was supposed to be similar - except for the fact that Mikey would do the flying this time.

Woke up early this morning to see him off. NW72 was my usual flight to the east coast and I took comfort in knowing that my brothers and I were taking similar journeys, although at different times. I was too sleepy to feel sad. But alert enough to make it seem like I was excited for him and everything that was in store for him.

Something is telling me that he may be gone a little longer than the months we gave ourselves to grow when we left for the States.

And it’s only now that it’s sinking in.

He has always been the most hard-headed among the boys. Almost as hard-headed as me, I guess. And since he says he’s not going to come home anytime soon, he may very well mean it.

Of course Dandan and I would roll our eyes and laugh when he’d say that. We would tell him that he’ll be back in a matter of months, haughtily sporting a wiser, been-there-done-that attitude. I came back home after half a year, Dandan came home after four months. We told Mikey we were giving him two months.

Now though, I’m not too sure.

He left a letter for me, Dandan and Lee. Something I expected him to do – but not for us. Our dynamic as siblings has always been interesting and comfortable, but Mikey has been the most distant one recently and the more difficult one to read. We just let him be. He let us be.

His letter was reassuring. Short and straight to the point. He loved us. And that’s what mattered.

I had nothing to give him before he left. No letter, no baon, no time. The people who we hold closest to our hearts are the ones we most often take for granted. And when we hurt them, the pain cuts deep. The guilt I feel now is deep.

Sana nasabi ko kahit isang saglit sa buhay ko na mahal kita
Na hagkan ka’t nasabing salamat sa aking pagkatao.

Mikey recounted the simpler, happier, younger times in which we enjoyed each others company. Somewhere along the way, we grew up and sort of apart. Strange for people who see each other almost everyday – but it happens. Now that he is moving half a world away things are going to be different and there is no time for regrets and tearful apologies.

Thanks for the letter, Mikeypoo! I hope for the same things too. I’ll write often. And there’s magicjack. And facebook. The boys have yet to read it. We may go find a quiet spot today and just sit. We’ll save a seat for you (the same way we’ll keep you on the white board). I love you Mikeypoopoohead! I wish you luck and many prayers. You are my guy with the goal. *Yakap*

*tear*