Brother #2

I told myself I wouldn’t cry.
That he would be back in a matter of months. Like me. Like Dandan.

Focusing on work and school, I made myself appear as nonchalant as possible – as if Mikey was just going for a vacation. I was used to leaving my family behind and flying all over the place, so this was supposed to be similar - except for the fact that Mikey would do the flying this time.

Woke up early this morning to see him off. NW72 was my usual flight to the east coast and I took comfort in knowing that my brothers and I were taking similar journeys, although at different times. I was too sleepy to feel sad. But alert enough to make it seem like I was excited for him and everything that was in store for him.

Something is telling me that he may be gone a little longer than the months we gave ourselves to grow when we left for the States.

And it’s only now that it’s sinking in.

He has always been the most hard-headed among the boys. Almost as hard-headed as me, I guess. And since he says he’s not going to come home anytime soon, he may very well mean it.

Of course Dandan and I would roll our eyes and laugh when he’d say that. We would tell him that he’ll be back in a matter of months, haughtily sporting a wiser, been-there-done-that attitude. I came back home after half a year, Dandan came home after four months. We told Mikey we were giving him two months.

Now though, I’m not too sure.

He left a letter for me, Dandan and Lee. Something I expected him to do – but not for us. Our dynamic as siblings has always been interesting and comfortable, but Mikey has been the most distant one recently and the more difficult one to read. We just let him be. He let us be.

His letter was reassuring. Short and straight to the point. He loved us. And that’s what mattered.

I had nothing to give him before he left. No letter, no baon, no time. The people who we hold closest to our hearts are the ones we most often take for granted. And when we hurt them, the pain cuts deep. The guilt I feel now is deep.

Sana nasabi ko kahit isang saglit sa buhay ko na mahal kita
Na hagkan ka’t nasabing salamat sa aking pagkatao.

Mikey recounted the simpler, happier, younger times in which we enjoyed each others company. Somewhere along the way, we grew up and sort of apart. Strange for people who see each other almost everyday – but it happens. Now that he is moving half a world away things are going to be different and there is no time for regrets and tearful apologies.

Thanks for the letter, Mikeypoo! I hope for the same things too. I’ll write often. And there’s magicjack. And facebook. The boys have yet to read it. We may go find a quiet spot today and just sit. We’ll save a seat for you (the same way we’ll keep you on the white board). I love you Mikeypoopoohead! I wish you luck and many prayers. You are my guy with the goal. *Yakap*

*tear*